I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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