Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
