CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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