Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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