i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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