before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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