nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
