glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
