I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
