i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
