apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
