I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
