Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...