She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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