my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
