So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
