When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
