i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
