I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
