I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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