I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
