saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
