I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
