I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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She told me I should be a condom model.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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