A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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