remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
