I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His nipple licking is glorious
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