he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
