listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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