i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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