I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The feeling are messing with the penis
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
