DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
