Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
