At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
