i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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