The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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