we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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