But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
