oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize