can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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