I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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