I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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