Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
