Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
