I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
