This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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