Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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