the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
