My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
