My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize