WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
