Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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