Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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