I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
