I accidentally had phone sex last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am mentally ready for anal.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
