Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
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note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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