Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
