you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
