i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
