This is not my ceiling
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
