yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
