i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
