Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
