I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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