There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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