the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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