They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
