So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
