i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
