Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
