Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
