I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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