he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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